It's been a few days since I'm feeling uncomfortable with our relationship.
Last Friday night, you threw out the letter I wrote, the letter that you've kept dearly for a while.
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We got back together after you said that you don't want me to go, you need me, and that I'm the only one who's in your mind. You won't ever let me go you said, softly.
You won't let go of my hand when we met, keep my arm really tight to you, and won't stop seeing me in the eyes.
We had love so strong that afternoon.
You've never wanted to show affection nor intimacy publicly. But that night when we're about to say goodbye, you hug me tight and whispered "Nicko nya jangan pergi lagi ya.."
The following night, you hugged me tight on the bike. Pouring our thoughts on our relationship, and you decided to take me back as your couple. We don't see each other late at that night, but you kissed me on the lips before we part.
We took vacation out of the city in the weekend. It's been a long time since I enjoyed myself going out. I guess it's true, spending times with you alone are the happiest time of my life. We made some memories. Best of all, it warms my heart.
The vacation was over and it was almost perfect, until you told me to go from your place. It left me hard feelings on things you've been keeping me out for some times. Until you decided to open yourself, and be honest to me about who you've been living with.
As your boyfriend, I appreciate your honesty and very proud of you. You might think it's hard for me to accept it all, but you don't realize how meaningful it was for you to be open to me.
The next day, again you left me without words and made me wait for a while. Being left outside made me anxious. The cold wind of November's rain struck into my bones. Anxious, as I tried to reach you with no reply. The phone's battery's been dying and I felt really lonely. The next thing I stares myself up into the dark sky, reminds me how I have been in the same condition before. It was an unpleasant feeling.
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I was alone. At the night where I should be seeing my girlfriend, she left me alone. I was right to ask her on what's the purpose for her to want me back, when things would stay just the same. And that night, it proved right. The mall was closing and nothing accompanies me except my drink and harmonica. The last time I saw my phone she tried to call me and blanked away before I could pick it up. The lights were being turned off one by one as it tells the visitors politely to take their leave. I had nowhere to go as the heavy rain trapped me outside. And I've been wondering myself on why would I go here in the first place only to be ended up with this. The parking lot didn't do any better. I was trapped in a jam in the complex for more than an hour while the rain still falls lightly. I screamed to myself as soon as I was able to get out of there, "Never again have i wanted to go to this place! Never!"
The next day she called me and admitted her vanity and asked forgiveness.
I've been hurt. But I can't be hard on someone who asked forgiveness, especially when it comes to the one whom I used to love and hold dearly.
However, you left me fragile at the time.
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I took my leave, and swearings could not describe how disappointed I was that night.
When she called me back later, I find out that she was having a fight and was trying to go away form her place. She begged me not to leave her alone, It strucks me. Putting aside my agony, I tried to softened my heart and cheer her up. I was happy to convince her to go back and letting her rest.
When you asked for us to live together. I want to live with you too dear.
But I realized, I don't have the power to make it.
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It was bitter.
I saw how hard you pulled yourself not to let tears fall from your eyes. When you took the ride, I saw how you couldn't keep them anymore and start crying.
I keep seeing your back 'til you disappeared. And that sights, it really hurts, it stings, it kills me inside.
It was raining lightly outside which helped me hide my tears easily as I walk aimlessly.
Why did you tell me that you've given up when you held me so dearly?
Why did you say that you're letting me go when you told me that I'm the one who all you need?
