Relativitas Waktu

dikala sinar rembulan tampak sayu mengintip malam
getaran hati menjagaku dari hanyutnya mimpi
tiada rupa tanpa sosok yang terjangkau oleh tangan
tawa canda dan sentuhan bangkitkan buaian angan-angan
hai rachmi, aku rindu

Siang Sabtu dan Matahari

Aku yakin bahwa suatu hari nanti akan ada masanya dimana aku harus memimpin sekelompok umat. Bukan sebgai nabi, melainkan atas tugasku bertindak sebagai khalifah di muka bumi ini. Saat ini aku mencari segelintir petunjuk mengenai kepemimpinan dan organisasi--mencoba memecahkan tembok kesendirian yang selalu kubangun dengan rapih sebelumnya.

Zaman sudah modern. Kepemimpinan dan pengikutnya sudah banyak berubah bentuk. Mereka menyebutnya organisasi--lebih terkenal lagi disebut sebagai perusahaan. Namun bagiku sama saja dengan masa peradaban sebelumnya--ada pemimpin, ada pengikut.

Membangun organisasi, terlebih lagi menjalankannya merupakan suatu hal yang sangat menakutkan bagiku. 

Aku adalah individu yang gagal dalam mengambil hati orang lain. Aku tidak peka. Bahasa tubuhku selalu mengatakan dengan lantang dalam bentuk kesunyian mencekam--Jangan ganggu aku! Biarkan aku sendiri! Aku tidak punya waktu untuk ini! Aku tidak peduli. Saat bercengkerama dengan sesama makhluk sosial, aku hanya bisa tertatih diam. Tidak mengerti apa yang harus kukatakan, aku hanya bisa mendengar. Aku mencoba mengekspresikan diriku dengan beberapa kata, syukur bila mereka tidak merespon, paling buruknya ialah mereka salah sangka. Dan ekspresi disgust yang ditunjukkan. Belum memulai pun aku sudah membayangkan hal ini akan terjadi.

Masyarakat modern bilang: Ini social anxiety.

Hari ini aku baca blog Dahlan Iskan, bercerita tentang seorang Mohed. Ternyata kepemimpinan ada yang didasarkan dengan ketulusan. Hatiku terasa hangat seketika.

My Top 10 Miku Favorite Songs!

Yesshh! I love Miku! Mostly I love the Rock-type songs that came with Miku. I always love the songs which have high tempo and memorable sounds of bass, drums, guitar rhythm and solos, violin, also piano or keyboard. They are aspects which make me love a song brought by Miku (because most of them are highly-skilled!). Least not to forget its awesome and meaningful lyrics.
So without further due, here are my top 10 Favorite Miku Rock Songs:

10. Black Rock Shooter
Picking Top 9 was easy for me until I had to decide for the tenth spot. It was really hard! I ended up picking this song, because of its special memories: I love supercell's Miku and this is their first album I bought on the Miku Expo store! The song has trembling bass and violin, paired with funky drum plays.

9. Disappearance of Hatsune Miku
Behold for the Fast-singing chorus. The Lyrics are awesome and meaningful! The song is paired with techno, but what I love is the Drum Plays! The drum pedal is absolutely insane!

8. Miku no Gekishou
Again, a song that I love because of the lyrics and the drum. A fast-tempo songs of miku usually has great drum plays. Also in this song, they have good bass plays and memorable bell sounds. It shivers.

7. When the First Love Ends
A song telling you how hard and breaking is for your first love to end.

6. Romeo and Cinderella

5. Mizuiro no Guitar Rocket

4. Cat Food

3. Stargazer

2. Shiroi yuki no Princess Wa

Special Mention: Senbonzakura, Torinoko City, World is Mine

1. Odds & Ends

*I'll leave the description later :p

I've Learned That...

I've learned that people may forgot the upsetting things you say, but they won't forget how you made them Feel!

I've learned that the more you bottle up little things inside you the bigger they get & more difficult to deal with.

I've learned that having people around us physically doesn't cure loneliness if spiritually we are absent.

I've learned that a happy wife, happy life.

I've learned that a bitter, inconvenient Truth is better than a pleasantly agreeable dishonest, falsehood. 

I've learned that there are 2 kinds of people. Those who focus on their own lives & those who obsess about other people's lives. Be cautious with the latter.

I've learned that many people will unfairly judge your WHOLE life based on an unfortunate incident that doesn't truly reflect you.

I've learned that Without Trust, information doesn't flow & acting without information is fatal.

I've learned that people only have the power over you that *YOU* give them.

I've learned that loyalty is rare & friends can become enemies & some of those we least expect to betray us will push the knife into our back without hesitation

I've learned that Love can be more dangerous than hate. Sinful Love removes inhibition, blinds intellect & destroys fidelity. Be careful with your heart

I've learned that Sadness is the heart telling you to find Allah. Depression is you not listening to your heart. Comfort is remembering Allah is always there

I've learned that some have 6 figure salaries & find it hard to get by, while others in minimum wages feel privileged. We all have rizq but some are deprived from baraka in it.

I've learned that it's the Quality of life that produces happiness, not the quantities of materials that we seek to amass

I've learned that the things that bring us the most happiness in life are the kindnesses that we gift to others.

I've learned that life is not a popularity contest. Life is a contest of souls battling their inner evil

I've learned that Allah the Most High, gives u more than u ask, always. Even in hardship there is overwhelming good, even when u can't see it.

I've learned that my prayers are always answered, but I do not always understand the answer.

I've learned to accept everyone as they are & with the flaws they have, while trying to help them overcome them

I've learned that you are only one step away from turning back to Allah. Turn around & you will Find HIM

I've learned that hard work is not enough & that Dua on its own is unfulfilled. It takes, both, effort & Tawakul to achieve success.

I've learned that Blindness is observing in others what you fail to see in yourself.

I've learned that there is a difference between a male & a MAN and between a woman & a LADY!

I've learned that love & money is not enough to keep someone happy & that there are happy people who never find love or have much money.

I've learned that no salawat/Durood upon the Prophet ﷺ ascends from our lips to heaven, except that 10 blessings rain down from the Lord Almighty in response

I've learned that every raindrop is fated for something greater than its freefall. Whether glacial or tropical, it's purpose, like ours unfolds.

I've learned that as the birds find their sustenance so shall you, if you search, hover, circle, swoop & dig for it as they do

I've learned that you can't please everyone, so make sure you please the One Al-Mighty & those who matter in your life

I've learned that you will overestimate the role of your importance in relation to others within yourself & they will underestimate your importance to their lives.

I've learned that hatred is easier to master than kindness & that Love is easier to fall into than maintain.

#40YearsOfBeingYahya

To be seated next to you feels like taking a seat next to a wall

- Primary classmate

I was shocked to hear that coming from my former classmate. I thought she somewhat enjoyed being around me. We never talked much, but that's how it has been. When I was in primary school, my mother would always requests me to take a seat with a girl--because she's concerned with how I could not focus with my studies, or getting bad influence from the boys.

Maybe that's what grows me to be not too close with the boys, and certainly could not make friends well with girls either, since playing with girls mostly make a shame out of myself.

Random Accuses Starts to Intertwine

I am not really fond of my body features. I might not have the good look that opposite sex dream of, but I try to keep myself look clean, although somewhat a bit untidy. And recently, I'm annoyed with how I look in the middle. My belly just got fat. It annoys me enough to find my pants and jeans uncomfortable by its size. I'm scared that I have to increase my waist size for pants. NO!

So I took the measures and called my friend who's a consultant for a certain product that helps in weight loss. I don't know much about my weight, but the last time I checked I hit around 75 Kg ++!!
And it was during last year, before my family moved here. With that in mind, I thought might have hit 70 something or even 80 at this point. Turned out I was wrong. I was saved by my high calories intake per day, it's about 1.7k apparently. But my tummy fat just got 'upgraded' almost for 3 Kg! No wonder my belly got that shape, what shape of you. Haha.

And the check notifies me about me not having enough water consumption per day. Really, my water drinking is almost awful: I could only finish a 1.5 litre mineral water bottle for 3 days! Yes, 3 days!!
The reason for it is because I'm too lazy to walk for a drink, that I only take them when I'm going to eat. Furthermore, there are times when I skip my office days and just let myself in my room without drink nor food for almost 24 hours! That's almost insane if I try to rethink about it thoroughly.

So I started the program to loss weight and keep my fitness because I want to do golf once more.

That being said, Last weekend I tried Sate Taichan, and boy! It was delicious!
I really love the mixture of chillies blended with lime. We went to this Bang Ocit's place which is known as the most hyped taichan in senayan. The place was a pack of a crowd! We had to wait for about 100 minutes to get our orders! That's like watching your football team playing, getting behind, gone half-time break, starts the second half, equalises the score, and lead in the final minutes-- which Liverpool did at the time!

So yeah, that's that. It was nice to see friends again after such a long time. I grow fonds of book that I see myself buying a book per week to read. I think it'll definitely be a hobby besides watching pirated anime. Haha, pardon me. I grow up curious about knowledge and there's thing like hunger for information and experience inside the little me.

Also, I'm planning to start something crazy for myself. I think I will try to be a more generous and interactable character, There's no harm in trying, right?

March of Monarch

Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I'm getting older I need someone to rely on.

Came across this song and reminds me of how much I love this song, its piano, its drum, and its lyrics.

March came to end for two more days and it leaves me something strange, some kind of feeling that I don't know how to interpret.

Today marks the day I cut all things, what's left are belongings that I think should be kept aways as soon as possible.

I'm getting closer to finish my thesis. somewhat makes me feel sad.

I'm really glad that I can recover myself. The next time I took myself to fall for someone, let me remind myself of how much of hassles I've been through before I take its worth or naught.

I've been having weird dreams. Things and happenings that might happened if I took another direction in my pasts keep showing. I don't know what to expect, but bothered with it as it really exhausts me. Really, I now wake up tired.

A note to myself, don't buy expensive socks if you're still paying for cheap laundries.